Forget what they say! Money can buy you love!
“I will always love you,” the email from Donald J. Trump declares. “Why? Because you never stopped loving me!”
Then he asks for $15.
Campaign contributions to the Trump-Vance ticket can get me a golden Trump flag pin (“everybody wants these”), the “Never Surrender” MAGA hat, the Elon Musk “Dark MAGA” hat, the limited edition GOLD MAGA hat, the original red MAGA hat, a signed MAGA poster, the Dark MAGA mug, the official limited edition campaign mug and/or the “Fear Not” mug (“I need you to know one thing: I love you!” that email says).
Wow. In the hundreds of emails we’ve gotten from Kamala Harris, she has yet to declare her deep affection for us personally. And there’s just not much swag on offer. She tends to stick to things like the latest polling numbers and her status as underdog and the kitschy pitch for $47 — because she would be the 47th president. Cute!
Which is not to say there aren’t emotionally satisfying pitches from the Harris campaign. That distinction goes to Scout, Tim Walz’s dog.
“I’m not supposed to beg, so I’m humbly asking you to chip in $25,” it says, explaining that Scout was abandoned in a box as a puppy and was skittish until the Walzes adopted him and taught him love. “I learned how to play frisbee when Tim throws it. I learned how to order a pup cup on summer drives to the local Dairy Queen. I learned how to accept those different from me, like my cat sister Honey (I even learned how to steal food from her bowl). Because of Tim, I know people are good.”
Welcome to Campaign 2024! How many of you have earned the fabulous privilege of being relentlessly courted by both sides in this presidential election? We’ll explain in a minute how that happens, but first, let us welcome you to our experiment.
See, for most of this campaign season, we’ve deleted these annoying emails the instant they appeared. But the volume got so oppressive that we…
Read the full article here
