The pain in Gary Emes’ hip was excruciating, but the fear of relapsing into addiction was stronger. He suffered for five years before he finally decided to pursue joint replacement surgery.
“The hip at that time was about 60-70% deteriorated,” Emes said an X-ray done early in 2023 showed. “I could hear the grinding and popping, and the pain was continuous, causing me to get only two to three hours of sleep per night for at least a year. All this had my head spinning.”
His chiropractor, who told him years ago he should consider replacement, said it was time to get the hip addressed by a surgeon.
“I tried everything I could because I didn’t want to have the operation,” Emes said.
Emes, 63, celebrated 26 years of sobriety on Jan. 1.
“I was most afraid, because I have such an addictive personality, that I would easily start using again, once any narcotics would be in my system,” he said. “Addiction owned me for many years, even though I hated myself for it and was killing myself, it defined me. So I was most afraid the world would not understand and I would once again be owned by the craving.”
Emes said his addiction began right out of high school.
“It was everything, anything I could get my hands on — drinking, coke, pot, any kind of pain medicines,” he admitted.
Finally the fear of re-entering the grasp of addiction was not able to compete with the bone grinding pain in his hip
“The days I was really in pain leaving work, I just remember the nights I dreamed I believed I was going to commit suicide, that is how dark it was for me,” Emes said. “The whole mess, the whole dark abyss. Not knowing who to trust and if they would respect my wishes for remaining clean; not knowing really if anyone would say it was possible or that they would do it.”
He did not want that darkness to envelop him any longer.
Emes got second opinions and even entered an online cognitive behavior therapy class for pain management offered through…
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