CHICAGO — Since the end of 2019, Arlette Martin has not spoken to her daughter, who lives less than a 10-minute drive from her. In that time, her only child missed celebrating Martin’s 50th birthday and Martin wasn’t invited to her daughter’s wedding.
“I’ve never spoken to my daughter, hugged or touched her since New Year’s Eve 2019,” said Martin, of Peru, Illinois. “My ex-husband’s side of the family, she’s still in a relationship with them. It’s just my side of the family, she’s not.”
Over the years, Martin said, she attempted unsuccessfully to talk with her 29-year-old child through letters, emails and texts and by showing up at her residence.
Martin says she and other parents in similar situations with their adult children are falling apart because of estrangement, the voluntary act of having no contact or limited contact with a family member, or intentionally distancing oneself because of a negative relationship.
According to studies, parent-child estrangement happens much more with fathers than mothers. The estrangement often begins when the children are in their early to mid-20s. Daughters are less likely than sons to be estranged from mothers.
Joshua Coleman, a West Coast psychologist, says his practice has been completely taken over by estranged parents and has a monthslong waiting list. Coleman, author of two books on estrangement and an estrangement coach who offers webinars on his website, said many parents are suffering enormously because of this.
“Most of the time it’s the adult child cutting off a parent, not the other way around,” Coleman said. “Values of family have changed over the past half century. Ideas of ‘honor thy mother and father, respect thy elders,’ has given way to this perspective where the only relationships one is presumed to have are those which are more in line with one’s ideals about happiness, self-esteem and protection of one’s mental…
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